I'm Excited!

I've decided I'm going to a dandiya event this weekend! Even though I haven't danced in years and I have doubts about being anywhere close to coordinated with my hand and leg movements, I'm excited about going!

Just the thought of getting dressed up, feeling all girly and pretty makes me break into a big smile! I'm one.hundred.percent sure that my lehnga, from back in the day when I used to complain I was fat (sigh!), won't fit me. And I might as well forget about squeezing into the choli, unless I want the cause of my death to be suffocation. Still, I'm excited about going!

My girlfriends, my partners in crime, are going too. Oh what fun it is to dance around in a big circle, hey! (Did you sing it in the Jingle Bells tune in your head? Good!)

What do I wear? Should I tie my hair up in a bun or leave it open (in a glorious, frizzy mess)? Should I wear ballet flats or the pretty pair of joothis I bought on my last trip back home? (which, by the way,  are sitting patiently in a muslin bag, waiting for their destiny to be finally worn) Should I carry a stylish (and totally impractical) clutch? Or should I just leave my phone at home? No, that'd be silly, 'cos then I can't take those twenty-five-hundred selfies with my girlfriends, with our ruby-woo painted lips pouted. Hmmm...so I'd need a clutch big enough to hold my phone AND my lipstick, damn! But I'm so excited I'm going!

Of course, I'll obviously need to do a trip to the beauty salon (where I'll say I'll get a facial, do my hair and makeup and the works, but it will most likely end up being a last minute, frantic visit to hurriedly get my wild eyebrows and that hint of a mustache threaded) Still, did I say I'm excited about going?

Hubby darling has graciously (and with a big breath of relief for being let off from having to wear a 'costume' in his words) offered to babysit the children (who by the way are better off being home, watching TV, as my little girl has her father's genes when it comes to dancing and my little man lacks the patience such events need, ermm...genes from his mum in that department *cough*). So now, what mummy won't be excited about going?

I'm going to dance like no one's watching, I'll probably be breaking all the dandiya rules in the process, but who cares, right? I'll probably be uncomfortable as hell in a choli that's at least three times smaller than my real size, I'll probably have the pani puri and the dabeli and dhokla running their own tune in my head over the actual dandiya music, I'll probably have a blister (or two) in my feet from the brand new, never-before-worn pair of shoes, and I'll probably be a big hot mess! But hey, I'm excited I'm going!

Now, where is that (old and small) lehnga-choli? And, Pinterest & Google, here I come! 

I don't want to be "that crazy woman"!

Why do I cry? Why do I whinge?

Why do I sulk and why do I binge?

Why is it that I don’t see

All the beautiful things that are given to me?

Why do I frown and grind my teeth?

Why do I hiss and why do I seethe?

When I can count my blessings instead

And stay focused with a clear head!

Yet everything seems to make me mad

Nothing is in control and I’m always sad

“I can’t go on like this, no!” I scream!

Clearly, this is not living my dream?

I haven’t slept in ages, I haven’t read

I’m always grumpy, I’m seeing red

Ready to pounce on anyone who tries to reason

People will soon call me “that crazy woman!”

I miss my man even when we’re together

Does that even make sense? I wonder

I chide myself “Just deal with it! That’s the only way!”

Maybe I’m just lazy, what can I say?

Nobody and nothing can stop me from anything

Yet isn’t it sad that I’m ruining everything?

For me, for us; all because I’m not strong enough

I know life can get challenging, it can be rough

But the answer is so simple, I almost laugh out loud

It’s obvious, as clear as a sky without a cloud

“It’s all in the mind!” Yes, it’s true!

That’s the solution that will help me get through!

So I’ll train my mind to do what’s right

Do all that I can with all my might

Then I’ll be able to live like I should

Everything will be okay, everything will be good!

I've been battling a lot of things lately. I needed to write, the words were all teeming and screaming in my head, LOL! Words are my best friends, they help me relax, they calm me down and they can soothe me like nothing else can! 

 Stay strong, stay blessed!

Well, Hello!

Hi there! I've been MIA in this little space of mine. Believe me, I could do with a really long, uninterrupted girl talk session with my BFF right now! But that seems like a faraway dream, because I'm busy with my active toddler and she with her newborn AND not to mention we live hundreds of miles apart! Such is life...but hey, I'm not complaining. I feel truly blessed to be able to put a very sleepy and drained head on my pillow every night. Drained, in a very positive way - I like how I'm using all my energy to do my best in my role as a mama and a wife (and put all the creativity that's given to me to good use!)

That's enough of my sentimental rambling...how about some fun girl talk then? Dressing up, now that should be fun right? Hmm...green has been on my mind lately. I've been eyeing green strappy sandals, green beads and green dresses. It's just a very green phase for me right now :) I wonder what that says about my current state of mind. Am I at peace with myself, do I feel very lucky, am I going to finally plant something in our terribly neglected backyard? Whatever! I digress.

I thought this outfit may be a good place to start -

And speaking of green, for Deepavali, which was a couple of days ago, I dressed up my little baby doll in this gorgeous green lehnga-choli that a dear friend got for her. I love that deep shade of green! And coupled with my extra love for Indian block-printed design, this is a winner.

This post reminded me of my Kanjeevaram silk in a luscious bottle green with a deep plum border, it's beautiful! But it's back home :( Not that I would've had a chance to dress up in a sari here anyway...

I found these green shoes at a local weekend market here in Sydney and I think I paid about $10 or something! Love them! They go so well with this cardigan...Gotta love that shade of green!

The only thing that I probably haven't tried yet is green nail polish! Hmm...I think I'll pass J

We Shall Overcome

We wake up to another day. Aah! A nice cup of coffee would be bliss, I walk towards the kitchen. There is a pile of books and/or clothing on the floor, I simply cross over it with a giant stride, nonchalant. In the kitchen, a half open large carton sits below the oven. Some vessels and other stuff have been tossed into it in a packing spree that didn't last very long. I go about making coffee, all the random things strewn across the bench top don't bother me anymore. I stare indifferently at the cabinet where I don't see any coffee mugs. With a silent prayer and a hope that I remembered to load the dishwasher last night, I open it. A relieved smile. There are two coffee mugs, washed. With a cup of steaming hot coffee I walk into the living room that looks like it's a refugee camp. Cartons, sealed cartons, open cartons, flattened cartons. An empty book shelf, a pile of magazines waiting patiently while their fate is being decided, a generous heap of miscellaneous items that are scheduled to go to donations - they all lie there, in a state of inertia, waiting to be dealt with. Then of course, clothes. Washed, unwashed, folded, unfolded, we have every kind! So overwhelming that I actually start considering a genius invention - use 'n' throw clothes. I'm sure I'll be worshipped for such an invention by a like-minded group of individuals, like us :) Little Miss always obliges adorably by being happy and content in her activity centre, oblivious to the mess around her, bless her! So, yeah, mess, messy and more mess. It seems like a daunting task. And I sit on the couch, with my legs stretched out on the coffee table, laptop nestled on my lap, convincing myself that I'm looking for inspiration on the net. You know, tips on organising, packing, planning, etc. Ironically, all the web surfing seems to be doing more harm than good, because two hours down the line, I've neither gained any expert organising skills nor have I moved my butt off the couch to lift a thing that's lying around. And life simply goes on, amid the chaos, amid the confusion, amid the mess. But (we all love buts) you know what? It's alright. It's alright because I know it will all work out and sort itself out soon. We will do it, because our new home that's waiting for us is inspiration enough. We might have kicked off with a rattling, sleepy start, but will gain speed soon. We're sure. We always do this, but we magically pull it off in the end. Yes, we're confident that way :) With that said, I better get going. The coffee is all but gone, Little Miss is stirring out of her (very) short nap and I have clothes to fold.

Skirty Flirty

I want to be able to wear this and NOT look like a stuffed sausage...soon!

Top 5 things that my baby has taught me

Every day is different, every day is a joy and every day is new with a baby. From the time we got Sia home I've slowly begun a self changing phase. A phase where I'm learning, discovering and realising so many new things about myself - like how patient I really am, how selfish I can get, how much nonsense I can tolerate, how flexible I can be, etc. These valuable discoveries help me understand life better as I apply my learning to as many instances as possible, making a correlation to the Top 5 Things that I think my baby has taught me so far. I'd love to share them with you -

Learning # 5 - Express Yourself

Have you ever seen a baby that holds back on crying, laughing, cooing or squealing with joy? I doubt it very much.
Sia cries her heart out when she is upset about something or when something is bothering her, and boy oh boy, she can be loud! And she will continue to cry until whatever it is that is bothering her is put right. She laughs and squeals when she sees or hears something that she likes. She constantly coos and babbles contentedly. Her eyes are always so expressive and I've hardly seen her just sitting there, with a passive expression.

Learning: Although I don't intend to scream my lungs out in public or laugh hysterically at someone's face, a little bit of venting out and pouring my heart out to someone who cares, or laughing out loud at a funny commercial, or voicing my opinion honestly would go a long way.

Learning # 4 - Simplify Life

Sia squeals with joy when I hold up a lion hand puppet and make a silly growling noise. She likes what she sees and hears and that's all that matters really. She doesn't really care where the toy was made, how expensive it was or what someone else would think of it. She simply likes it for what it is, it makes her happy, so she laughs! How simple!
Learning: Take things at their face value. Keep things simple and try not to judge situations or people. Take time to savor and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

Learning # 3 - Forgive and Forget

Sia doesn't sulk at me if I lose my cool when she screams at night. She still gives me her most gorgeous smile when she wakes up in the morning. She might cry for what feels like an eternity when I accidentally snip off a teeny bit of her skin while trimming her nails in the morning, but she forgets all about it by evening and smiles ear to ear when I call out her name. A big sloppy kiss and a warm cuddle is all that takes to make her a smiling, happy baby.

Learning: Do not make your own life miserable by holding on to unworthy baggage. Learn to forgive easily and learn to forget all those annoying things that don't matter in the long run. Give people a fair chance.

Learning # 2 - Patience

A screaming baby does things to you that you would never have experienced, seriously! It will, at first, make you want to pull your hair out and scream yourself, but slowly and gradually you will see a change. Sia has taught me the art of staying calm (well, at least I'm learning). So she's crying and I don't for God's sake know WHY! What do I do? Stay as calm as possible, 'shush' incessantly into her ear and wait for the storm to pass. It works! It really does :) If it doesn't then hold her up, hold her sideways, heck! hold her in every which way until she is cooing again.

Learning: Patience is the key. It may take several takes and only patience wins in the end. It does amazing things to your mind, this patience! I have noticed I become calmer, feel more in control and this warm feeling of peace oozes into my inner self :)


Lesson #1 - Unconditional Love

I love Sia, period. No words, no expressions, no poem would ever convey the simple yet profound meaning of that. She is my baby, my precious little bundle. I want to give her so much love, so much! I don't expect anything in return, oh not at all! I just...I LOVE HER :)

Learning: Never underestimate anyone's love. Pure love is strong enough to move mountains. To love someone with all your heart is such a beautiful feeling! And the biggest learning of all: I know how much my mother loves me now :)

Motherhood is absolutely wonderful! So enriching, so fulfilling and so delightful. Thank you my darling little baby for giving me this beautiful gift of being your mother :) Love you, always.

I will be called 'Amma'!

Amma = Mother in Kannada (and possibly a few other Indian languages) and I'm just that for my little girl! At times it's hard to believe that I'm now a mum. Life has changed, and how!

Our once (fairly) neat and organised house is now strewn with various 'baby-soothing' paraphernalia, as if screaming "there's a new baby in this house!" There are little pieces of clothing hanging on the airing rack, a play mat that has so many bright colours all in one place (that would be a fashion designer's worst nightmare!), a contraption that softly bounces and sings melodies (and literally gulps down batteries) and other bits 'n' pieces that suddenly seem almost out of place in a living room filled with seemingly 'all grown up' decor. It's almost like a giant stork did indeed come flying by and drop off a huge bundle!

It's only been about a month and half since Sia came into our lives (into our home, actually. She's been a part of our lives since the day we found out we were having her) and already, life is SO different. Don't get me wrong, we like DIFFERENT :-) Yes, there have been trying times - like when she just cried 'n' cried and we didn't know why. It's heartbreaking, really, when your baby does that. And especially if it's at some ungodly hour at night when all you want is silence and some sleep, I swear, all you want to do is call the hospital and see if they'll take your baby back! I know, I know, I sound like a horrible mother! But heck, that's reality for you! We love Sia to bits and she is our precious little darling, but oh lord the screaming! But then, there are also times when she looks at me with the most, I'm telling you, the most helpless look in her eyes that say 'please don't leave me, ever' that I just want to hold her tight against my chest and never set her down. And when she hungrily and thankfully latches on at feeding times, I just want to say to her over and over again that I will always care for her, forever and ever as long as I'm alive, sob! Am I being hysterical or what? Well, I guess being a mother (and for the first time) pretty much whacks around your hormones all over the place. But it's a beautiful, wonderful, magical feeling! Overwhelming and scary, yes. But also 'oh-so-beautiful'.

Yes, the 'C' word will appear quite often, you know - compromise. But suddenly, it is not a compromise anymore, it's just something I choose to do - like the other day when I was out shopping, I was looking at these chic wedge sandals and automatically picked them off the shelf to try. Boy! did those heels make my legs look good, after almost a year! Well, then my 'motherly-brain' kicked into action and told me off in a stern voice, "Hey! put those back right now! Do you think you want to wear those while you balance a little baby on your shoulder and hold on to the nappy bag in the other hand and try to look graceful at the same time??" So then, with a long sigh I steered the pram (what? of course I was out shopping with my little girl) towards the aisle with the more practical, flat shoes. They're cute too, you know!
Another, comp-err, no thing I choose to do is to eat sensibly. Heck, I love my fries and wedges (the potato ones now, heh) but every time I greedily hover near a Hungry Jacks or McDs, my little girl's pleading face comes flashing into my mind and she seems to say, 'Amma please don't! I'm not familiar yet with how farts work  and I don't like feeling all gassy in my little tummy!'. Now, what do I do? Choose to eat fruit salad instead (not that I don't give in to temptation at times, though). Plus it'll do me good. I do need to lose all that 'happy weight' I gained when I was pregnant and eating for the whole country, not just for two. I mean, secretly, I do want that coffee mug that husby bought for me to make some sense, you know, the pink one that says 'yummy mummy'? *wink*
What can I say, my hostess skills also seem to be in a deep slumber these days. What?? Call someone home when the house looks like a commercial laundromat? No way! Seriously, there's clothes everywhere!! Some washed, some airing, some folded, some to be washed...I'm telling you I almost have nightmares where clothes zombies are chasing me! Okay, so yeah, friends who are genuine friends wouldn't really mind all the mess, they would come to see us and not to judge, but then what would I feed them? My cooking has been reduced to 'one pot wonders' lately. Poor husby eats whatever with admirable empathy, but I wouldn't want to impose on our friends.
And then, ahem, talking about grooming. Forget about long 'cleanse-exfoliate-tone-moisturise' routines or kohl lined eyes or colour tinted lips, I'll be glad if I can walk out of the house wearing something decent (not track pants and a tee) that does not have a giant blob of spit-up on the shoulder! These days I seem to be competing with husby for the 'bush(iest) eyebrows' title and if husby asks me once more if I'm all aboard for Movember I'm going to smack him! Would I like a relaxing (and clean up) session at the beauty salon? Yes, please.
Then there's the crafting I miss. The other day I said to myself that I'm the kind of mum who can make things work. So I decided to work on some Christmas craft projects. I fished out some paper and card stock and just about settled down to cut and glue when Miss Little decided she had napped long enough and cried for me to pick her up and give her some cuddles. [Oooh I love cuddle time, by the way :-)] There went my 'I'll-make-handmade-Christmas-presents' idea! Actually, the paper trimmer, paper, etc are still lying on the floor in the other room, right where I left them. What did I tell you about my house before? Don't judge!

Oh, life has changed, yes, yes! It has! I love it, I really do.  Many things I had taken for granted earlier- I might have to give them a miss. But my darling little baby girl is such a blessing! I'm looking forward to a great life full of learning, realising and discovering with her. So although I can't hold up a real glass of red wine (duh-huh?), here's to beautiful and precious babies and our lives being happier and brighter with them!